Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
