Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
