Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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