I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
