I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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