im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
