i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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