I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
