Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
