i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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