one might say we're banned from that church
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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