I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I could make wine with my vomit
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize