my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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