I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
