The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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