do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
