It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
