sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
