remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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