Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
