Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
