are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
