Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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