Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
