You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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