A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
