He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
