Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He shit in the fireplace
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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