I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize