let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
ttyl tear gas
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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