Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
