I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize