Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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