I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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