my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
fuck your aforementioned shoe
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
