I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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