I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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