They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
