I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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