I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
