I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
