Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
