if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
