i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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