grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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