I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
