I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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