He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
