I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
