Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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