yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
