shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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