Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I did not marry a roomba.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
