my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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