I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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