My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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