If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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