my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
