Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
