I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
