Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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