His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
