I faked an abortion last night.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My cat gives me a boner
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
