You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
